I have a large extended family. Large. My grandmothers were pregnant for roughly fourteen years… straight. They were both SAHM taking care of the kids and lived on a farm. Maybe worked a side job or two, but mostly just rocked mom life. Life on a farm doesn’t stop just because you’re pregnant so it can’t be that difficult right? I was around one sister when she was pregnant and it barely seemed to phase her until the belly got in her way. Otherwise I hadn’t been THAT close to many experiencing pregnancy. Everyone I did know made it seem like it was pretty easy with a few bumps along the way. The ladies I was doing CrossFit with made it seem easy. The Facebook friends posting all their cute updates and photos? Easy. The coworkers who hid their morning sickness? Easy. I’ve got this, right?
Then it hit me. I was flying home from a week at my sister’s house when I felt sick on a plane for the first time. There wasn’t even turbulence! That, and the light spotting a little early, was how I knew something was up. That day was also the last day it was easy.
When we first seriously started talking about having kids I began doing research. I went to the bookstore and stood, staring at the numerous books in the baby/parenting section. I didn’t know where to begin so I picked up one of the many versions of What to Expect when You’re Expecting and began flipping through it. It really is not a book to sit down and read through. So I left without purchasing any books and went back to the internet.
Side note, if you chose to purchase from the links at no extra cost to you I’ll earn a little something. Not a lot, but thought you should know.
Two books that constantly came up were Expecting Better and The Sh!t No One Tells You About Pregnancy. I ordered a copy of each and began reading. Expecting Better is the best book I would ever recommend for pregnancy. It goes through many of the things we hear about pregnancy and looks at the scientific studies that have actually proven a lot of advice to be wrong. Read it. It is worth your time.
Well, The Sh!t No One Tells You is not really written to the style I was hoping. I was looking for a book like the other which provided solid evidence for what to expect. Instead it is more anecdotal stories gathered by the author, Dawn Dais, about pregnancy. I got partway into the book and put it down. It isn’t bad, just not me. Over Thanksgiving the book was brought up by a friend so, I picked the book up again and began to read. I skimmed through the first few chapters and went to the new chapters. That’s when I confirmed, I’m already failing as a mother.
There is a chapter titled “Mommy Wars Start Now” and it is so true. Social media has set up unrealistic expectations of life in general. I see it as a teacher with teens being addicted to their phones and obsession with likes and “snaps.” I like to think that I do not get caught up in it and realize life is much more complex. But as pregnancy hit I began to feel the pressures of presenting a better reality to the world.
The first pressure? How to announce your pregnancy on social media. Pinterest and I spent many long hours trying to figure out the perfect announcement. Hubby and I discussed it. We looked together. Hours. But as a first-time expectant mother I failed.
Pregnancy started with “morning” sickness and continues with constant exhaustion. That doesn’t make it easy to look cute in a photo announcement. Plus, I’d rather lounge on the couch and nap than try to look good for professional photos. All the cute, crafty ideas? Yeah, those require effort too. Too much effort.
We settled on carving pumpkins, which we have done together annually since we met, and the weather had different ideas. Freezing cold, snow storms, and a work trip kept us from getting that done until Halloween. We were both so tired on Halloween we even kept the porch light off and didn’t hand out candy. (Something I enjoy doing and have insisted on.) So with pumpkins already purchased and time running out before we are posting baby photos we decided to hand paint our pumpkins with hand turkeys.
Our wedding was Thanksgiving weekend and our guest book is made up of hand turkeys. We felt it was very fitting. So we painted. The dog painted. We photographed. We posted. We were thankful for all the responses. A later post about heartburn received even more congratulations! I realized then that people didn’t pick up on our announcement. Fail?
Maybe it is a fail in the “Mommy Wars” but to me it doesn’t matter that much. What matters more is that I cannot be like the other moms who make pregnancy look so easy. I’m not enjoying the “beautiful miracle” happening. I am NOT one who LOVES being pregnant.
I had these plans of a great pregnancy. I would be a fit mom. I would be at the gym with my cute belly. I would be crafty and make all sorts of items for the baby’s room. I would be such a great Pinterest mom. You know what they say about the best laid plans, right?
I wanted to have weekly photos. I wanted to be able to share my adorable baby bump as it progressed and maybe even have a cute sign for each week. Instead I think I have taken a maximum of 10 belly photos? No sign has been made. I’m pretty sure at this point our kid’s “coming home” outfit will be a plain white onesie… although I do have some cute pins saved!
So, I’m already failing in the “mother wars” but that’s ok. I have WAY more respect for the expecting moms who fight through it all to get the professional photos done for their announcements. Or the expecting mothers who get to the gym. Or the expecting mothers I even see out grocery shopping. Pretty much any pregnant woman who is not curled up on the couch napping right now. I don’t know how my grandmothers ever survived. Now I think I’m going to go take another nap.