I am not handling things well today.
My anxiety is through the roof. My blood pressure was high for the first time during this entire pregnancy when I went to my appointment. They took it three times and made me sit for over a half hour before it came down. (The waiting did not help the anxiety though.) Everything is spinning out of control and it is all things I have no control over in the first place.
I’m a person who likes a plan. I have learned to become very flexible in my plan so usually it is a general outline. Being pregnant I know that everything is unknown. I’ve had months to prepare for that. That part I think I’m ready for? I’m prepared to be totally unprepared. (I don’t even have a car seat installed or bag packed! Lol) I don’t know when or how the kid will choose to make an appearance. I don’t know if it will be an easy baby or a difficult one. I don’t even know if it is a boy or girl! But I’m ok with all of that. THAT today is not my issue.
Today my issue is I don’t know what is happening next week. Do I have to report back for jury duty? Monday? Oh, I won’t know until Sunday night. Tuesday? Won’t know until Monday night.
Do I need a sub next week? I don’t know. Maybe. But I get to plan for one every. single. day. Teachers don’t take a lot of time off because planning for a sub is WAY more work than just working. Last year I had so many days to burn since I knew I was leaving the district but I had to plan my lessons and sub days based on when it would be easiest to plan for a day off. Mentally it was just easier. Now? The week before spring break?!
The quarter ends tomorrow. The push from February till Spring Break is one of the longest and hardest for teachers AND students. Then to add to it I’m due the Wednesday after break. So I am preparing to not return possibly. And NOW?! Now I don’t know if or when I’ll even be at school the last week of the hardest time of year!
Thursday is already the ideal day to give tests and teachers were going to march at the capitol. I couldn’t take the time off but saw it as an opportunity to get everything finalized before break. Peace and quiet with nobody around. Non-contact day for kids and the teachers all gone. THEN they canceled the march… Still no kids but now all the teachers will be in.
That brings me to COVID-19…. ugh! That’s the reason the march has been canceled. That’s why sports have been canceled and suddenly so many schedules and plans have changed. My side hustle uses study rooms at the public library and I was notified they’ll not be allowing the study rooms to be used and canceled all reservations. Starbucks emailed out that they may be closing stores and only doing drive through service… that’s my tutoring spot!
Then there are the schools. Some are canceling classes. Some are going to online classes. Nobody knows a plan and everything is just being thrown out as it happens. So do I need sub plans for next week? So I not? Are they going to postpone jury interviews? How do I do tests in my two classes online? I can’t just leave them till after break… I need the unit to be wrapped up before break.
I am NOT functioning well under these conditions…
I’ve decided to take a break from social media because the articles about the illness and schools closing are increasing my anxiety. I just have to survive one more week then I have a break.
And then the hubby wants me to worry about the house looking clean for his parents who are coming to stack the washer and dryer. I don’t like asking for help. I’m struggling with learning that it is ok to ask and when the kid is here I won’t be able to do it all and will need help. But if I’m going to have to stress about cleaning the house just so someone can help and hubby won’t be upset, I’d rather not ask. If getting stress relief means more stress then it isn’t worth it to me. So that discussion was had followed by a complete meltdown about ALL the stress right now.
My plan this weekend? Hide from social media, install a car seat, pack a bag, and be crafty.
Oh, and call Sunday evening to see if I have to report to jury duty on Monday or not…