I think it is safe to say I do NOT enjoy being pregnant. When I research or talk to other moms I realize I don’t have an extraordinarily difficult pregnancy. The kid is doing great! I have the usual symptoms. My weight gain is on target. Belly growth is on target. Baby heart rate and movement are great. My blood pressure has been “beautiful” every time. At my last appointment they looked and were shocked to see I’ve had the same blood pressure at every appointment. Medically I’m having an awesome, easy pregnancy.
Physically and mentally… it SUCKS.
I’m excited to have a baby. I feel attached to the kid. I’m just SUPER ready to hold it in my arms instead of my belly! I can’t be the only one to feel this way but after yesterday’s experience I feel more women should speak up about it rather than feel the pressure to enjoy the miracle of life.
I also feel for the women who would die to be in my position. The ones who try so hard and it just isn’t working out to get pregnant. I do. And although I wouldn’t wish some of my symptoms on anyone, I do hope someday you’ll have the chance to complain about your own pregnancy.
Here is how my weekend of being 34 weeks pregnant went. Feel free to vent in the comments. We need more spaces to express our thoughts even if they aren’t what is expected of us.
Some back story…
Friday I woke up not feeling great. I’ve managed to survive some tough days with nausea, constant kidney pain, and more so I decided to tough this one out too. I just didn’t feel good. I don’t know how to explain it. I had some nausea but more just an over all feeling of blah. So, I sucked it up and went to school.
First period I was reading over a lab/worksheet and I was struggling to focus. The words were kind of floating and I was having to focus way too hard to follow them and read. But I have two off hours after that so I could rest my brain if needed. Got kids working. Couple students asked me questions and I found myself getting dizzy walking around to answer questions so I made kids start coming to me. Then the hot flashes started where you get super hot but take off your jacket and then get cold. I decided it was going to be too rough and called it. I let the office know I needed coverage for my other classes, spent my first off hour getting lesson plans done, and went home.
I didn’t make this decision lightly either. Earlier in the year I talked with HR and was told some wonderful stuff about the benefits in the district for taking family leave. Then I was sent an email pretty much saying “jk, you don’t qualify” because FMLA only protects you if you’ve worked for your employer for 12 calendar months. (Yeah… that’s fun!)
When I need to take leave to have the kid I have to wait 10 days and then I can apply for the leave bank. The leave bank will provide paid leave for any medical reason AFTER the first 10 days. I am given 11 days total, one goes to the leave bank automatically so I have 10 days of paid leave to use. This means my whole maternity leave can be paid leave! …unless I take a day off.
Ok, so one day unpaid isn’t going to kill us financially.
Except that FMLA doesn’t protect me so the HR lady informed me that ANY unpaid leave means I lose my job! Yay! I called to confirm my understanding of this two weeks ago because I needed a mental health day. I discovered that HR lady retired and my file was given to a new one. She was going to check with her manager. Manager called me back and left me a voicemail reassuring me that was a rumor and not the case at all. I could take days if needed and would not lose my job for having unpaid leave. I have the recording! (Sub plans would have caused more issues than sticking it out so I didn’t risk a day then.)
So, by taking the day off on Friday I may or may not have a job next year. But THAT is how bad I was feeling.
So I came home and snuggled with my doggy while hubby and FIL worked on moving our washer/dryer and getting our new one. We are doing a whole swap out thing and it is complicated but let’s just say getting a call that the amazing deal we got was actually for a washer in Ohio, not Colorado, was NOT how I wanted to wake from my nap… A little more money (over more than we really wanted to spend) later and we should hopefully have a new set in 2 weeks! Fingers crossed…
Bright side? Can’t do laundry for two weeks! Lol
Nap some more except every time the guys go outside the dog whines and is annoying. They get done and hubby comes to check on me and see if I need anything. I thought it was around noon but turns out I napped more than I thought and it was after 2:00! Then we had a busy evening finishing the washer/dryer stuff and dinner out to thank the friends who helped.
Saturday came and we were both wiped. Just worn out. But baby things aren’t going to prepare themselves! Our original plan was I would take the pup to the dog park and grocery shop while another coat of paint was added to the crib. Yeah… that wasn’t happening. So I decided to see what parts of the crib were done and what I could do. Hubby came down and as we started to discuss I broke down.
It is HARD being pregnant. The kid is poised in position with head down, one foot on my already sore kidney, the other on my stomach/spine (perfect to cause some INTENSE heart burn making you want to puke), and a fist in the perfect spot to punch the inside of my hip! I barely slept between pain and heartburn. I had been awake since 3:00am or so. It hurt to stand. It hurt to sit. It hurt to lay down. How am I supposed to feel better if I can’t do ANYTHING?! I can’t even rest!!!
My poor hubby just held me and let me cry. That’s all I needed.
Then we went to the second in a series of birthing classes… kid napped for a bit then as we were getting ready to try some of the different birthing positions it woke up. We had already discussed our homework from last class which was mapping where baby is. I was specific and the doula teaching was a little shocked. I shared that we “have had a rough morning” already. So instead of trying positions I sat, trying not to cry and feeling dumb watching everyone else because the kid woke up…
Then I stood up to get my water, looked at my hubby and he instantly knew I wasn’t ok and asked if I needed a hug. Yep… and I started crying cause have you ever had kidney pain? Back pain? And heartburn/nausea? How about all at once? So I get calmed down again and handling it when the doula comes over to ask about trying positions. I let her know that I’m having a rough time and the kid is hurting me at the moment. She recommended some of the more forward positions to help with the back pain… that’s fine and dandy except the kid is wedging itself like it is climbing a hallway and leaning forward doesn’t help. I’m not even sure what I said to her when I started crying again and she said “emotions are ok it can be a very emotional time.” What I wanted to say… many mean and angry words about emotions not having anything to do with the fact I have an alien trying to break out of my chest AND back at the same time and it freakin hurts!!!
We walked outside for a bit, made it back for the end of class, and went grocery shopping. I wasn’t happy… I managed to fall asleep reclined watching tv and got a nap in after dinner too. Then slept more of the night but still woke up at 3:30am. That’s when I started drafting this post before napping some more. Thankfully the kid shifted and is now kicking out the side again giving my kidney and stomach a break. Poor hubby has done all of the work around the house today and taken care of me. I did get a nap in and took the pup to the dog park but bending over to give her the required bath after did me in for the rest of the evening.
Hopefully I can go to work tomorrow… mainly because I REALLY don’t want to write sub plans.
***Update: survived Monday… but it wasn’t enjoyable and I napped right after school. Also thought about finding a cozy spot to nap in my off hour because I’m just worn out. I honestly think I’m battling some illness the kids decided to share. **
And posting at 3:00am cause… pregnancy! Except I couldn’t get it to look right on the app so had to wait to post from the computer. (Hubby doesn’t appreciate the light from the laptop in bed. And I can’t really lay on my back and work easily on the laptop…)