Today is the first day of daycare. Little Man is four months old and I’m grateful for the ability to stay home with him so far but yesterday I went “back to work” (digitally) and Grandma came to watch him for me. Today he started at an in home daycare. There are a lot of emotions going on.
First, it is silent in the house. Too silent. (Should probably go see what the dog is doing…) Sitting on a computer all day is exhausting and I usually listen to music while I work but with different people and their microphones I can’t always hear them easily. So, no music. Just Zoom meetings and silence.
I’m not really feeling mom guilt. I’ve always said I couldn’t be a stay at home mom. I need things to do outside of the house. Even for maternity leave and this summer I had planned on getting out of the house. Tuesdays were zoo days. Dog park days were in there. Wandering the shopping centers was another day. And then…. COVID-19. Ugh.
So getting “back to work” is a great feeling. I have been tutoring online and things like that also but it is WAY easier without Little Man needing me off on the side. There will still be times he is home with me and I’ll tutor online, but for school needs he is being entertained at daycare.
There is the safety concern though. I’m leaving my baby with a stranger. That’s hard and scary and rough. I managed to drop him off without tears but I am excited for this last meeting to be done soon so I can go pick him up. I need to run to a store or two first and am debating if I can do that quickly before I get him or if I should go pick him up first and then go. I’d rather not take him to the store because… COVID-19, but I like having him around to talk to so I don’t look like I’m talking to myself. Plus he is pretty chatty and fun to talk to sometimes. (Except when I’m trying to nap…)
On the flip side, it is nice to feel productive again! I of course was stuck behind a computer all day again today but there is something freeing about not having to worry about him. He is out of the house, being taken care of, someone else gets to deal with him if he is hungry or not wanting to nap. There is no rush to get something done before he wakes up. It is just a big weight lifted and allows me to be more focused.
But I am also sad that someone else is snuggling my baby. That’s less snuggles I get with him. He already has grown so much and I know there will be a day when he doesn’t want Mom to snuggle him any more. Hopefully that’s a long way off, but still. He’s my baby.
Meeting is over so I’ll leave you with a funny story before I go run errands and pick up my boy from the first day of daycare.
I went to tour my new school. I applied, interviewed, and accepted the job all during the pandemic and I hadn’t seen the school at all. Not even driven by it! But when you know it is time for a change you do what you have to do. We are currently planning on a hybrid model meaning I’ll eventually be in the building. So I had Little Man with me and we went to pick up my school computer, see the classroom, and just see what the building is like. While walking around with him in the carrier one of the custodians noticed the cutie that is my son.
“That’s a cute kid.” said the kind custodian as I walked by.
“Thanks, I made him myself!” I replied without skipping a beat.
“Well, you did a good job.” he added with a chuckle.
“It took me long enough…”
I think that’s my new go to for when people complement on how much of a cutie Little Man is.